Yet another flight.
As he looked out of the window (he was glad he avoided the tortures of an aisle seat. More than the inconvenience of the cart bumping into his elbow and knee from time to time, he thanked the escape that the view outside gave him from talking to fellow passengers for long.), his mind went back to the past six months.
What made him say the things he said to her?
He thought back to the past six months and went over all he had said. It was not something he could be, or should be, proud of. No one could be proud of it. Every time they spoke, he would find ways to make fun of her. He would joke about the way she looked and the way she dressed. Call her weird things and tell her he did not love her. He shot down her suggestions for things to do together. They were the same things he would have suggested otherwise.
He had even told her he was just testing her. And she had not left him. He had told her he went on a date instead of spending time with her. And she continued to be by his side. He made it a point to go out ever so often, but never with her. She asked him what was wrong. He maintained "Nothing".
Maybe you are scared.
The voice sounded so much like her, he had to look around to see if she had somehow got the seat next to him.
You are testing her to see when she breaks. You know you love her. You know you feel so strongly for her. You are scared.
No. He did not have the time to give her. He was fighting too many battles at too many fronts to focus.
These battles were there when you chased her, convinced her you were in love with her. Work was equally hectic and she has never fought over work anyway. She has lain her trust in you on your many trips away for work. Even when you tell her about the many girls who approach you, she does not throw a fit. Why then do you push her away?
Why do you push her towards breaking point? What do you get out of it? Well, you do get a reason to point out to her that she throws tantrums. You do get to tell her she is harassing you. You get to tell her that what she is feeling is nonsensical. You get to show her that you care less than she does. You get to show her you love less than she does.
But do you? Or are you just scared? Scared to face your own feelings? So scared that you can't commit.? Scared you feel you may get bored with her? Worse, you are scared she will be bored with you. So you don't give her the chance to be. Only, ask yourself this - Is it the right way? Instead of making an effort, you push her away?
When was the last time you did something for her? Even get her a green balloon? Or compliment her on the way she looked?
You are either fooling her, saying you love her, or you are fooling yourself, saying you don't. Which one is it?
A nudge to his elbow snapped him out of his thoughts and her voice faded. The passenger next to him had arrived, and wanted to chat.
He was, for the first time in a long time, thankful for a chatty co-passenger. It allowed him to do what he did best. Push things under the carpet.
As he looked out of the window (he was glad he avoided the tortures of an aisle seat. More than the inconvenience of the cart bumping into his elbow and knee from time to time, he thanked the escape that the view outside gave him from talking to fellow passengers for long.), his mind went back to the past six months.
What made him say the things he said to her?
He thought back to the past six months and went over all he had said. It was not something he could be, or should be, proud of. No one could be proud of it. Every time they spoke, he would find ways to make fun of her. He would joke about the way she looked and the way she dressed. Call her weird things and tell her he did not love her. He shot down her suggestions for things to do together. They were the same things he would have suggested otherwise.
He had even told her he was just testing her. And she had not left him. He had told her he went on a date instead of spending time with her. And she continued to be by his side. He made it a point to go out ever so often, but never with her. She asked him what was wrong. He maintained "Nothing".
Maybe you are scared.
The voice sounded so much like her, he had to look around to see if she had somehow got the seat next to him.
You are testing her to see when she breaks. You know you love her. You know you feel so strongly for her. You are scared.
No. He did not have the time to give her. He was fighting too many battles at too many fronts to focus.
These battles were there when you chased her, convinced her you were in love with her. Work was equally hectic and she has never fought over work anyway. She has lain her trust in you on your many trips away for work. Even when you tell her about the many girls who approach you, she does not throw a fit. Why then do you push her away?
Why do you push her towards breaking point? What do you get out of it? Well, you do get a reason to point out to her that she throws tantrums. You do get to tell her she is harassing you. You get to tell her that what she is feeling is nonsensical. You get to show her that you care less than she does. You get to show her you love less than she does.
But do you? Or are you just scared? Scared to face your own feelings? So scared that you can't commit.? Scared you feel you may get bored with her? Worse, you are scared she will be bored with you. So you don't give her the chance to be. Only, ask yourself this - Is it the right way? Instead of making an effort, you push her away?
When was the last time you did something for her? Even get her a green balloon? Or compliment her on the way she looked?
You are either fooling her, saying you love her, or you are fooling yourself, saying you don't. Which one is it?
A nudge to his elbow snapped him out of his thoughts and her voice faded. The passenger next to him had arrived, and wanted to chat.
He was, for the first time in a long time, thankful for a chatty co-passenger. It allowed him to do what he did best. Push things under the carpet.
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