It was a Sunday like any other. He was around family. They were chatting, talking exchanging notes on how their had been. Nothing very interesting. He tended to zone out on such occasions. He could do that, since he could not run away.
But you did run away.
That voice again.
You ran away and in the most cowardly, deceitful way possible. Oh Yes! You warned her you'll be running away. You spared no chance of reminding her that she had nothing, absolutely nothing, that would hold you back. You told her, again and again and yet again, that you would run. And run you did.
But that, is by far the only promise you kept. Come on. Don't fight it. You know it's true. You told her you'll be a man and tell her you are done. Tell her on her face, that you needed to run away. You promised her it won't be like the other times. You made her believe you were different.
But what did you do? You pushed her away, further and further, till she could take no more and she asked for answers. That was her mistake. She asked answers to questions you had created. What was her fault again? That she trusted you? That she believed you? That she, despite repeated advises from her well-wishers, preferred to forgive you? That she fought for what she was led to believe - that you loved her? That she did not give up like the rest of them?
Oh she was at fault, mind you. She was at fault when she turned a blind eye to everything you did. She was at fault when she did not stand up for herself. She was at fault when she preferred to forgive you, but not herself. She was at fault for believing she was any different to you than the scores other before her. She fell for the oldest trick in the book. She did not want to change you, but she did believe that you were different with her. That, was her greatest undoing. And that is what she is paying for.
She was not perfect, never pretended to be, and never asked you to be. That was her fault. She was a fool all right.
But you. What all do you have to pay for then? You made her miserable. Get drunk - shower her with love and praise; fully in your senses - make her feel like she is the worst in the world. Make jokes about the way she looked. Call her names. Check out other women explicitly while with her. And if she made an objection, you claimed she is no fun and that she has changed. That she could not even take a joke.
She was a fool, and she surely realises it now. You would never had fought the way she did to make it work. For you, it was all about the chase. That is why you went into the relationship calling it yet another failure.
She was doomed the day she fell for you. And you made sure she did. Before that, it was evening dates and drinking nights and movies and planning trips. What when she gave in? You could not find one thing to do with her? Where once you spent so much time with her, you now had none to give her. What little time you did give her, was spent on your terms. It was all about you.
You had time for everything but her and took pride in telling her that. What did it give you? What high did doing this give you that even smoking pot and drinking could not compete with? What was it that you were trying to prove? Why could you not be man enough to walk away? Why, of all the decent things you claimed a man owed the woman in love with him, could you not face her and tell her its over? When the time came, you threw her under the bus. Why?
The truth is, you were running away from the day she gave in. It was no longer interesting for you. There was no chase left. She was there. What did you need her for now? Why would you need to plan trips? Why would you need to take her out on dates? Why would you watch movies with her? Suddenly, everything you did with her, needed to be done with your family. Suddenly, work became hectic and family became demanding.
She was a fool to believe you. A fool to believe you ever wanted her. A fool.
But are you happy now? You say you feel free now. Free of responsibility, free of that feeling of being caged. For how long though? Or have you already marked your new target? It did not take to long to mark her. So are now chasing a new "love"?
Perhaps what you are really running from is yourself. Not in the metaphysical sense. You are just so worried what people would think of you if you let yourself be in love and show it. Why else would you claim to love someone and then run? Why else would you tell someone you love them, and then ignore them, push them away? Why else would you use your family as a crutch in this running away? Why else would you show someone happiness and then show pain that will kill that happiness? Why else would you take pride in being an asshole (by your own admission) and tell people it is their fault if they did not figure it out? Why?
You can run. Run all the way. Run from her. Run from the city. Run from your friends. Run from your family. Run from responsibilities. Run from the truth...till it catches up with you. What will you do then?
He snapped out of it. As usual, he shook it off. Nothing a night of drinking with his friends (?) won't fix. Nothing he can't fix. Hopefully.
But you did run away.
That voice again.
You ran away and in the most cowardly, deceitful way possible. Oh Yes! You warned her you'll be running away. You spared no chance of reminding her that she had nothing, absolutely nothing, that would hold you back. You told her, again and again and yet again, that you would run. And run you did.
But that, is by far the only promise you kept. Come on. Don't fight it. You know it's true. You told her you'll be a man and tell her you are done. Tell her on her face, that you needed to run away. You promised her it won't be like the other times. You made her believe you were different.
But what did you do? You pushed her away, further and further, till she could take no more and she asked for answers. That was her mistake. She asked answers to questions you had created. What was her fault again? That she trusted you? That she believed you? That she, despite repeated advises from her well-wishers, preferred to forgive you? That she fought for what she was led to believe - that you loved her? That she did not give up like the rest of them?
Oh she was at fault, mind you. She was at fault when she turned a blind eye to everything you did. She was at fault when she did not stand up for herself. She was at fault when she preferred to forgive you, but not herself. She was at fault for believing she was any different to you than the scores other before her. She fell for the oldest trick in the book. She did not want to change you, but she did believe that you were different with her. That, was her greatest undoing. And that is what she is paying for.
She was not perfect, never pretended to be, and never asked you to be. That was her fault. She was a fool all right.
But you. What all do you have to pay for then? You made her miserable. Get drunk - shower her with love and praise; fully in your senses - make her feel like she is the worst in the world. Make jokes about the way she looked. Call her names. Check out other women explicitly while with her. And if she made an objection, you claimed she is no fun and that she has changed. That she could not even take a joke.
She was a fool, and she surely realises it now. You would never had fought the way she did to make it work. For you, it was all about the chase. That is why you went into the relationship calling it yet another failure.
She was doomed the day she fell for you. And you made sure she did. Before that, it was evening dates and drinking nights and movies and planning trips. What when she gave in? You could not find one thing to do with her? Where once you spent so much time with her, you now had none to give her. What little time you did give her, was spent on your terms. It was all about you.
You had time for everything but her and took pride in telling her that. What did it give you? What high did doing this give you that even smoking pot and drinking could not compete with? What was it that you were trying to prove? Why could you not be man enough to walk away? Why, of all the decent things you claimed a man owed the woman in love with him, could you not face her and tell her its over? When the time came, you threw her under the bus. Why?
The truth is, you were running away from the day she gave in. It was no longer interesting for you. There was no chase left. She was there. What did you need her for now? Why would you need to plan trips? Why would you need to take her out on dates? Why would you watch movies with her? Suddenly, everything you did with her, needed to be done with your family. Suddenly, work became hectic and family became demanding.
She was a fool to believe you. A fool to believe you ever wanted her. A fool.
But are you happy now? You say you feel free now. Free of responsibility, free of that feeling of being caged. For how long though? Or have you already marked your new target? It did not take to long to mark her. So are now chasing a new "love"?
Perhaps what you are really running from is yourself. Not in the metaphysical sense. You are just so worried what people would think of you if you let yourself be in love and show it. Why else would you claim to love someone and then run? Why else would you tell someone you love them, and then ignore them, push them away? Why else would you use your family as a crutch in this running away? Why else would you show someone happiness and then show pain that will kill that happiness? Why else would you take pride in being an asshole (by your own admission) and tell people it is their fault if they did not figure it out? Why?
You can run. Run all the way. Run from her. Run from the city. Run from your friends. Run from your family. Run from responsibilities. Run from the truth...till it catches up with you. What will you do then?
He snapped out of it. As usual, he shook it off. Nothing a night of drinking with his friends (?) won't fix. Nothing he can't fix. Hopefully.
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